It’s been a few weeks since my last piece was published. Thank you for your patience while I wrapped up the end of the school year. A lot has occurred. Good things are coming, but first I must process the endings that made these new beginnings possible. I will detail those later when the time comes. Until then let’s jump right in from July Continued …

My thoughts were all over the place as I waited for my son’s appointment to be done. My ex, on numerous occasions, had warned me not to visit any barbershops, ever. Absurd I know. I will not repeat the things he said would happen if I went because they are absolutely ridiculous. Nevertheless his words rang in my head as untrue as they were. I tried to shove down the echo of irrational ramblings and appear as if nothing was wrong.

“Mom I’m done.” I snapped back to reality and looked up at my son. There he stood with the best haircut he’d ever had. The style was classic, clean, and in many ways iconic; a cut that could only come from skilled hands. I gave my son the money and watched him walk back to his barber. “Any change back?” Ummmmmm. Did I need change back? How much do you tip a barber? I knew how much I normally tipped when having my hair done, but this was an entirely new experience. I replied no and hoped I had tipped enough. It wasn’t until almost a year later I learned I had been tipping very well. His barber is worth it though. He is the best. Thank you for all you do XXXX.

As we were getting ready to leave, the owner smiled, a grin that’s become as familiar as the shop front itself. “Make sure to come back. Anyone of us would be happy to help you.” I smiled, thanked him, and out we walked into the hot summer day. “Where to next?” I asked. “Want to do a little more exploring?” My son happily agreed and we made our way up Harvard Ave. As we arrived at the corner, I noticed a nursery across the street from Bardot. I had seen this shop on many occasions but had never actually gone inside. “Can we go in that shop Mom?” He pulled on my hand and began walking in the direction of Noren’s Nursery.

Andrea and Noren at a later date at Noren’s Nursery.

If you’re familiar with The Claremont Village, you may have noticed a lovely little space that is home to Noren’s Nursery. It is breathtaking. Reminiscent of a scene one might conjure in their mind while reading The Secret Garden. I do not hyperbolize when I say it’s truly spectacular. I invite anyone visiting the area to make a stop in this magical, wondrous shop. It is located at 201 West Bonita Avenue. The owners are amazing people and went above and beyond to make my son and I feel welcome during a painful and difficult transition. Their kindness and generosity will never be forgotten. I cannot say enough good things about them.

You can find one-of-a kind gifts for every occasion in their store. If you’re curating a unique space, be it home or office, Noren’s Nursery could provide that one of a kind piece that would complete the vibe your soul craves. Every plant parent could nerd out until their heart’s content in this outdoor heaven. Go. Go now. Support this small business. You won’t be sorry.

When we left the nursery we decided to head back to the car and return home. Our awesome day was coming to an end. As my son skipped along the sidewalk I was happy, yet filled with dread simultaneously. It’s a rather fucked up feeling and I do not wish it on anyone. We had a beautiful time, but reality meant going home to the hell we were living in. As I drove down the tree-lined street of College Avenue, the change began. I’ve felt it before, coincidentally while driving down this very same street more than a decade prior. (What was it about this street?) It was the beginning of a shift. The shift that would undoubtedly stand out as a pivotal moment when looking back on this chapter of my life. The type of jolt, which requires a leap of faith in yourself, the unknown, and knowing without an iota of doubt.

I was lost in my thoughts and hadn’t realized I’d taken the scenic route home. It’s a drive that leads to Mt. Baldy. My first ex-husband showed it to me many years ago; I know it like the back of my hand. I like to think of it as a gift. I have used this drive to calm my mind during challenging times. It’s a place that grounds my soul and allows me to think clearly so I may summon the courage to make life changing, painful-but-necessary, decisions when needed. It has never let me down.

Oh, if the walls of my car could talk…

As I drove down the hill I started picturing what life in Claremont could look like if it were only my son and I. I was well aware I was in no financial position to move out on my own yet, but it didn’t matter. I let my mind wander and let it go wherever it wanted. Nothing was off limits or out of reach. I did this until I pulled into our driveway back in Rancho Cucamonga.

I let the song finish playing and stared at my son who had fallen asleep in his car seat. For once, I felt relief not knowing where my ex was. It was a moment of freedom I will never forget. I was finally able to admit to myself, I no longer wanted to be in my marriage. What had started out as a loving and supportive relationship, meth had transformed into a tortured, emotional circus. What I’d been enduring was abusive, dark, and a complete mind-fuck. I was going to figure out a way to get out. How? I had no idea and that was not my concern. I had begun to visualize the what-if and thinking of it as if it had already happened, the rest would fall into place. It always does. The hard part is figuring out what it is I actually want; faith and grit take care of the rest.

I unloaded my son and carried him up the stairs to his Marvel decorated room. I tucked him in and sat down next to his batman themed bed. My son had had his own room his entire life and basically everything he had ever asked for. He had never wanted for anything. My ex would pacify his guilt of being gone with toy, after toy, after toy, after toy. It was excessive. Could I take him away from this materialistically comfortable life if it meant we would be away from the daily screams and rage filled fights? Could I? Something inside me was saying yes. The voice was small, but I could hear her clearly: yes you can.

The day was warm and had slightly exacerbated my MS symptoms. Nothing major, but the lethargy was coming in hot. My body needed rest. I laid back and drifted off to sleep, clinging to the feeling of happiness I experienced that day. I was going to need it in the days ahead.

Remember to hold gratitude for the spaces that provide your mind with sanctuary during the shit storms of life.

Happy first day of summer.

XOXO